Not happy

Times like these, its so hard to think of somethng that makes me happy. Well most of the time my kids do or the love of my hubby does it but today is a challenging day for both. Siyempre ang kukulit ng mga anak ko, wala pang pasok si mikel and lucas ddnt sleep. I actually had the chance to just sleep this aftrnoon but that was because of another pang asar. I was in the mood to pasyal since its sweldo and all and I had rest the day before. Anyway, it was planned to go to sm pagkahatid k mikel sa school. But si manny biglang nambabara, nagtatanong ano gagawin sa sm and when I answered parang di enough sagot ko tas ok lang sana kung magsuggest naman siya but no. Parang nairita na siya agad! At pinangangaralan na ko! Ayoko na tuloy umalis,nawala yung essense. Gusto ko nakabonding sila sa pasyal pero kung iritable eh di wag nlng. So sa sbrng inis ko, natulog nlng ako.tas mga 6pm ginigising ako manny para ako nmn daw magalaga! Hello! May pasok kaya ako?!?! Sya nga jang walang pasok. Nakatulpg naman siya ng gabi. Di ba nya kayang isa buong araw with our kids?!!!?!? Lagi nlng ganito pag off nya. Lagi nlng nya ko inaaway. Lagi nlng mainit ulo. I hate thursdays!!!

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Sigaw

Sige sigawan mo pa ko.....
Sa bawat sigaw mo sakin, lumalayo ang damdamin ko sayo..
Sige pa. Push me away.

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Tired

I feel so tired and unhappy.
I feel I've got shackles.
I am not free.
I cannot make my own decisions.

If u knew me, you'd know the more you restrain me the more I want to break free.

Good luck na lang sa future nating lahat.
If u keep controlling me, you keep pushing me away.

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Nagger

I am so tired of being with my husband 24/7.
I work with him (same training class and all)
Live with him (obviously).
Sleep beside him.

I loved it at first. We were so sweet and all.
Lately it has been different.
He's always nagging me with my spanish.
He always commands me to do this and that.
He's a nagger and I'm so tired of hearing those things from him.
I know he means well. He's pressured with money problems (reason why I'm working now too). He's pressure sa work (na baka matanggal kami etc). I feel him, and I am pressured too. But that's the thing. I don't nee him to  pressure me. I'm pressured enough. Kung alam niya lang. tas dadagdag pa siya. Tangina mamamatay na ko sa stress neto.
Ang tendency tuloy naghahanap ako ng de-stresser sa ibang mga bagay. na imbes na together, masaya kaming dalawa (enough as de-stresser na), hindi, kasi mas lalo siyang nakakastress.
I actually feel scared with the rate we're going now. I don't want to hate him. I don't want to associate him with stress. I don't wanna live my life like how y mom does, na takot lagi kay tito bob, laging ineexpect na magaaway sila pag magkasama sila. laging defensive. kasi gnun na nangyayari rin eh.

Pls help me God....

Wala ka lang sa mood?!
Wala ka lang sa mood mahalin ako?

I don't understand why are you being like this?

You say you're not mad. You say you are just not in the mood, but it's only to me you're like this. I ask you why but you cannot answer. What does it mean? Why are you like this?!

I can't sleep coz I keep on wondering why.
I cry. I can't eat well. Can't sleep. Can't you see the effect you're having on me?!

I keep in thinking why. All dark thoughts come to my mind. Maybe you realize you don't love me anymore? Maybe you feel we're not meant to be? Maybe you feel you want something other than me....
Oh my thoughts, please stop so I can sleep. Please return to your old sweet caring self. As much as you sometimes make me mad, it hurts coz I love you.

Wow! Kaya ka ganito ngayon kasi natangahan ka sa tanong ko at nabuwiset ka sakin?!?!?! Tapos buong araw mo ko di pinapansin?!?!?! Tas nagtaka ka pa bat ganito ako ngayon?!?!!!

Putang ina mo ka!

Pagtapos mo sabihin yun sakin, taka ka pang naiyak ako!

Putang ina! Iyak to sa galit ko sayo!!!!!!

Ang babaw mo!

Buti sana kung sinadya ko!

So ano feeling ko ang tanga ko at nagsisisi ka na nabuntis mo ko?!?!

Eto lang masasabi ko, lagi na ko matatakot sayo sa mga tanong ko. Gusto mo ba yun??? Di na ko magiging truly happy sayo! Putangina! Di mo ko mahal ng totoo!!!

Kung ganon lang kadali maging ok dagol sa mga sinabi mo. And the way you talked to me today, our relationship is scarred!!

Fuck you!

Yun lang masasabi ko.