It's been 2 years since I have been posting here. within those two years. I tried to be happy with you. I don't know where it went wrong. We were happy before. I was inlove with you. I can't remember when and exactly how it happened..but I guess I don't love you anymore. I am just staying because I am trying and you're not as bad as I portray you here. You are sweet. You love our kids. I feel you love me and you just have peculiar ways of showing that.
But..you cannot change me. You cannot make me just a wife and a mommy. I am me. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have fun. I don't know how to make you realize this without sounding that I don't care about my family, because you're good at that, making me feel that I am selfish. That now that I am a mother, I should dedicate my whole life to you guys. I get that. but ganun na lang ba yun?? wala na sakin? parang namatay na ko at alila na ko ninyo?
if it's like that.. I don't think I want to be married. Lahat bang galaw ko kelangan may approval mo, eh ang strict mo. Kumain lang saglet with friends, ayaw mo pa minsan eh.
Yesterday, I went out, dapat kasama ka, pero ayaw mo, or naisip mo siguro better na hindi. I had fun. I was with friends, I finally had time for me. I admit i was at fault kasi nga naman tagal ko wala, tas late pa ko umuwi. pero umuwi ako. alam mo kung nasan ako. kilala mo kung sino kasama ko. Birthday ng boss natin. Matagal na akong di nakaalis. Mali ako na hindi ako nakinig sayo... pero yun na nga eh. Kelangan lagi makikinig sayo,. Hindi mo ba kaya magalaga ng mga bata magisa?isang gabi lang? feeling mo naisahan kita/? tas to top it off tinext mo pa sa boss natin na go to hell ako. nakakahiya. dumadamay ka pa ng iba. so, kung di ako makinig sayo, gagawa ka ng paraan para mapilitan ako makinig sayo?? ano tawag sayo? ano tawag dun? haay.
The next day, pinilit kong magrelax. na di na magalit. Sabi ko sa sarili ko na kasalanan ko naman kahit na naiinis ako on how u handled things it all started naman with me. Na hindi ako naging clear na di pala kasama faith bigla etc.. so I cleaned, I cooked, I even bought coke for you. Pag uwi ko, I wanted to hug u and say sorry, but you shoved me away.............
so......
Ayoko na. Ayoko na magsorry.
Ayoko na ng ganito lagi. mas gusto ko na lang mag-isa. kaya ko naman.
haaaay. di ko lang masabi sayo.... kasi di ko lam kung gano ka kagalit magiging, natatakot ako kung pano mo ihandle to.
naisip ko rin baka mababaw.
pero di na ko masaya.
